Standing outside my house after lunch with nothing but the sound of the snow falling around about me today a kind of peace came over me. Thats not saying that the pain in my heart is gone completely, but it did help ease it somewhat.
While I don’t enjoy the cold weather that comes with the snow, it does make things amazingly beautiful. Almost as if its cleansing the world. For a moment I almost forgot that 35mins away my bro-in-law lay in his bed dying….almost. I am quickly learning that cancer doesn’t just drain the person suffering from this terrible disease, but everyone also who loves & cares about them. You brace yourself when you hear things have took a turn for the worse & then things turn around & death isn’t just a breath away. I look around at others in our family & can see this yo-yo effect is causing the same toll on them as well. I guess this has opened my eyes to the fact that even in the midst of beauty, somewhere someones heart is hurting & burdened.

All of this has also made me step back & take a hard look at how peoples attitudes have changed around my bro-in-law. And maybe thats the wrong term but meh. Not that I’m saying anyone was outright mean or what not but yeh. Its just a continual flow of people to visit him & being overly nice – not that I think thats wrong either. My thoughts are simply that I wish people could be like this to each other every day. Not just because he is going to die. Not to be morbid, but one of our numbers may be called before even his, thats just the way of life – always uncertain. Anywhos, this is all I have for now.

[sorry about the poor pic quality]